You appear more often in my head, rather than with me
You get to see my awkward smiles and giggles every time you pat my head
What you don't get to see is how I'm internally screaming from joy and excitement, just from getting your attention
You get see me suddenly becoming aloof and distant whenever you show up
What you don't get to see is how deeply upset I become for not being able to talk to you properly
You get to see me sad sometimes, wondering what could be the reason
What you don't get to see is my swollen eyes, from crying over you this much
You get to see me dress in stylish clothes occasionally
What you don't get to see is the cuts I cover under those sleeves
You'll always see me turning my face away when you show up
But you'll never see the reason why.
You made a really good, damn first impression, I thought you were funny, no shit.
I was convinced you were in senior year,
I was so surprised when I realized you were the same age as me...A little happy
You always touch me in such ways...
I might've never fallen for you if I didn't think you're hitting on me with your touch
You made me feel so special whenever you touched my shoulder, but then I realized that's just a thing you do...to everyone
HOW DO YOU JUST TOUCH SOMEBODY LIKE THAT WITHOUT EVER REALLY MEANING ANYTHING ???
You keep touching me as if I'm yours, I cried so many times over the realization that you don't mean anything when you touch me
I often wonder if you ever thought of me the same way I think of you…
Did you try to hint at something back there in ******** ?
"ALL Boys think about ALL girls that way"
Did you feel anything when we had that prolonged eye contact at the beginning of junior year ? would you even remember if I told you about it ?
Was it even prolonged really ?, or am I just so lonely a casual eye contact is a stare of love for me now ?
I think the answer is obvious
Did you feel anything when you hugged me during that trip ?
Do you think of me in any way whenever you pat my head ?
I see you patting everyone’s head like that…
When I begun acting a bit more "pervy", you responded with
“Are you trying to tell us something ?”
Did you figure I have a crush on you ???
Or am I just reading into things too much ?
What is going through your head every time you stand this close to another girl ?
Would you stop touching me if I told you to ?
What the fuck is wrong with you
What the fuck is wrong with me
I can’t help but think of you
No matter where I am
Who I’m with
Or what I do
It always comes back to you
Whenever I eat fries and play with my cat I recall that you love cats and fries too
And then I get lost in daydreams of us eating fries together or petting the cat,
You ruined cats and fries for me
Every new melodie that I create somehow always becomes about you
And even when I’m happy and actually enjoy myself,
My thoughts always somehow come back to you
“it would’ve been so fun if he was here with me”
I love you so much,
You're so precious to me,
You're such a sweetie,
I wanna cuddle you and help you and take care of you and let you rest on my lap.
I wish I could call you my knafeh boy
I wish I could call you mine…
I love how you're brave enough to do weird shit most people wouldn't dare to do, just for the laughs, but then you're too shy to ask for ketchup or something.
YOU’RE SO ADORABLE !!!
I want to protect you
It's not just that you're funny,
there is so much warmth coming from you day after day
You almost always smile at me
You almost always greet me even when I pretend not to see you
You almost always notice when I'm feeling down and unlike others, you don't just leave it as it is
you acknowledge how I feel
Making sure I feel okay
I don't, but you asking me and offering to hug me sure improves my mood and makes me happy for a while, knowing that you care about me
But then I feel so much fucking worse knowing that this is our limit
Asking me how I feel and acknowledging that you know I'm lying when I say
"I'm fine"
You're so gentle, kind and caring
You must be so affectionate to that girl of yours...
I want to kill myself
I see no point in living anymore I'm sick.
I have nothing worth living for
I have nothing and I'm sick of pretending I have things to be grateful for
If I haven't been to a relationship by now there's no reason for it to be any time soon, if at all...
All the good ones are already taken, but if I'm not taken - I'm one of the "leftovers"
I feel like I don't get to succeed at anything, not academically, not creatively, nor in relationships.
I can't stop thinking about him
I love him
Aren't I'm deserving of love and affection ? Am I not worthy enough ?
I don't want to live in a world where my role is to make others feel better about themselves for not having it as bad
If god exists - please just make him love me or either shoot me with a lighting
Please just get him to hug me and tell me he loves me or just make my brains melt from crying this much
Please just let me get at least anything from the things I actually want as evidence that there is a point in trying, or just let me get hit by a car.
You appear more often in my head, rather than with me
PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ANY OF THE THINGS I ACTUALLY AIM FOR AS EVIDENCE THAT THERE IS A POINT IN TRYING OR JUST LET ME GET HIT BY A FUCKING CAR ALREADY
I WANT PROOF THAT THERE IS LIGHT IN THE END OF THE TUNNEL
I WANT PROOF THAT MY SUFFERING WILL PAY OFF
I WANT PROOF THAT THERE IS A REASON TO GET UP IN THE MORNING
I WANT PROOF THAT THERE IS A POINT IN TRYING
I just want to know that I'll be happy in the end :(
Will I ?
✯✶⭒Electives demonstration evening⭒✶✯
I really wanted to see him that night, just to get the chance of talking to him a bit
But the event was over before I got to see him
Until suddenly, I DID meet him :>
But we didn't had the chance to talk
He stopped by a stand to buy something,
Our mutual friend kept going without waiting for him.
I didn't wanted to just awkwardly stand there, I didn't want to just silently follow them again and seem like I don't have anything better to do, so I left.
Seeing him was a tease
Why do I even bother
Why am I so excited to see someone who's already in a relationship
I came back home crying